Role of the School in a Child’s Life & Education

My two children (who are in Middle and High School now) attended a public elementary school in our town that welcomed parent participation in the classroom setting.  My children and their classmates benefitted from the high level of parent participation.  Moreover, the teachers and administrators agreed that teachers were able to teach the group more effectively by allowing parents to provide one-on-one instruction to every child in the areas of reading, art instruction, computer science, and math.
As my children grew, they and their teachers began to work more exclusively — and according to my son’s 7th grade Algebra teacher, he worked more successfully with less parental participation.
Yes, my son’s teacher asked him after he received a very low grade on a math assignment, “Who helped you with this?”
He honestly replied, “My Mom.”
“Well, ask her not to help you anymore, ok?”
My son was relieved and I have to admit, that was a load off my mind, as well.
As a child matures, he or she will naturally begin to take more responsibility for their own learning and the parents’ roll will decrease over time.  These days, my job is to ask, “Have you done your homework?”
I enjoy discussing books that my children are reading, so I read many of the books they are assigned.  This is a support roll I can fill and I enjoy these discussions with them.  In this way, I can supplement the instruction they are receiving at school without stepping over the line into the teacher’s territory.
I used to believe that all teachers saw themselves as an extension of what we are teaching in the home….going farther in some subjects than we can take them and leaving other subjects to us to handle in the way we believe is right.  But like many parents, I see schools taking a larger and larger role in the education of my children – and as its influence and power over my child grows, the schools seem to believe that we, as parents, will be comfortable with letting go of our responsibilities and leaving it to the schools to do our jobs.
Let me state very clearly that the role of the school is to supplement what parents are doing, not the other way around.
Some parents do their job of raising conscientious, law-abiding citizens…..others do not.  But let’s remember that life is about choices and consequences.  Some choices lead to good consequences.  Some choices lead to negative consequences.  If parents do their job well, both the children and society as a whole will benefit.  If we do not, then society will naturally try to figure out how to manage in the wake of our failures.
Some dear friends came to visit this week and we had a discussion that has prompted much thought for me since they left.  Both my friends are teachers….very good teachers, if you ask me.  Both of them care deeply about their students – and not just those whose names appear on their class rolls.  Our discussion centered on the role of the teacher and the role of parents in a child’s education.

If you are a teacher, you’ve probably come in contact with all types of parents, from those you never meet to those who hover too closely.  The idea that troubles me most after their visit is that somehow, the role of primary and supplemental educators has gotten turned around….these days educators rely on parents to supplement what they are doing in the schools rather than schools supplementing what is being taught in the home.
So I wanted to jot down some of my thoughts.  You may disagree with them – that’s ok.  Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section.  No one person has all the answers and I will enjoy reading your comments to gain more perspective.
Schools:

• Remember that the parents are the final authority for their children.  The guidelines you are given by the state are just that.  They are minimum standards.  Feel free to exceed them when possible.
• Equal doesn’t mean “exactly the same.”  So don’t expect every child to be able to do every assignment as well as every other student.  Grading can be incredibly arbitrary, so please keep individual differences in mind as you grade.
• Sometimes you will disagree with a parent’s decision, but it is your responsibility to honor it.  After all, you don’t work for the state, you just represent it.  You work for the parents and the children.
• It’s ok to call or email a parent when a student does something right.  You don’t have to wait until a child is in crisis before calling on the parents for help.
• Don’t assume you know the situation at home.  You will deal with many, many students and almost as many parents.  This does not make you an expert on all families…so keep an open mind when you deal with each student and, when necessary, their parents.

Parents:

• Remember that you have a responsibility to teach your children to respect their teachers, administrators, cafeteria workers, and those that clean up at the end of the day.  Teach them to be good citizens by modeling good behaviors.
• Equal doesn’t mean “exactly the same.”  So not every child will be a valedictorian or even in the top of their class.  Encourage your child to be the best they can be, but don’t expect them to receive the same honors that another child receives.
• Don’t ask teachers to give your child special treatment unless the circumstances really are extraordinary….such as in the death of a family member or an extended illness.  Otherwise, teach your child to live up to their responsibilities without whining.  And that goes for you, too.
• Don’t call a teacher and complain….when you call a teacher, ask for a meeting so you can discuss your concerns.  Your child’s teacher is an educated professional.  Please treat them as such.  And don’t skip the teacher and go straight to your friend in the office or on the school board.  Give the teacher the opportunity to explain things from the classroom point of view before calling on the administration.
• It’s ok to call or email a teacher when they are doing something right.  Educators need to hear an encouraging word now and then, too.  As parents, we tend to find the time to share anything negative we learn about teachers whenever we are talking with other parents.  But remember to share the good things you know about teachers, too.

I really hope that I’ve been able to be fair in everything I’ve written here, but perhaps I haven’t.  If you disagree, please write a comment and explain your position.  Our families and our schools are struggling these days and perhaps we can work toward a solution together.

© [Janet Sikes Anderson] and [Kitchen Sink Thoughts], [2009]. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to [Janet Sikes Anderson] and [Kitchen Sink Thoughts] with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.